


Seeds of Belonging

by alianora



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/F, F/M, Original Female Character - Freeform, Polyamory, Threesome, complete and total porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-08
Updated: 2006-04-08
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:56:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alianora/pseuds/alianora
Summary: A different life, a different way of becoming, a love in three.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This Birdy is NOT Wingtip Birdy. She has different origins, and should not be mistaken for that Birdy. This is, essentially, an AU of an AU.

It took them a few months to really settle in. Birdy and River were joined at the hip for a while, but then River stepped on a tomato plant and Birdy threw her out. It had been a long night for Jayne, dealing with two crying girls piling in his lap. But after that, River stuck to the kitchens, and left Birdy to her garden.

Other than that, they were always together, giggling and holding hands and _there_. And it was starting to make him a little crazy.

At the beginning, when they all were getting out, and the two girls hadn't figured out which way was up, he didn't care. He was way too damn tired to even think about the fact he ain’t touched a woman in months.

They were alive, and he was too busy keeping the crazy girl, her slightly saner mirror image, and his own self safe and out of hands of any color.

And for a while, that was alright.

The house had landed in their laps, yeah. But it needed plenty of work before it would even keep the bugs out.

The second night in the house, in the middle of a storm, the girls’ room had sprung a leak. Jayne hadn’t even woken up fully except that he was standing in their room, holding his guns and two hysterical girls.

None of them took well to sudden noises anymore.

But, they settled down into his bed after a few hours, while he kept himself busy making lists of what needed to be done.

And there was plenty.

There was Birdy’s garden, and that shy little girl followed him around and pestered him for a solid day and a half to help her deal with some of the bigger messes. He wasn’t real sure where she had gotten fertilizer, but every time he asked, Birdy would look guilty and River would look innocent.

Jayne was kept hopping fixing everything in that little house.

And River tried to learn to cook in order to keep them all fed. That didn't go so well at first, but the girl could make a mean sandwich. And the burned smell in the kitchen went away after a week. Girl said it was easy, once she figured out the chemistry.

But after a while, things with the girls started to come over... funny.

It started with little things.

Birdy smiling up at him when he brought her some water after she'd been weeding her plants. Her eyes got all crinkled in the corner, and he noticed the new freckles on her shoulders where her shirt didn't cover.

He was reaching out to touch them before he noticed.

It made him swallow hard, but he shook it off. What was weirder was the way she didn’t seem to mind that he was looking.

Then, River took to making him his favorite cookies.

She must have lifted the recipe or the memory or something right out of his head, because they were just like his mama used to make. He told her that through the four in his mouth.

And she gave him this big smile, eyes all big, and she wasn't acting too crazy, and for a minute, she seemed kind of pretty.

She blushed, and he knew she had heard that.

And then, it seemed like everywhere he went and everywhere he was, one of them just popped up. And they were always smiling at him and sometimes they brought him things, although Birdy bringing him flowers seemed a little backwards.

Plus they were always touching him. Little fingers on the back of his neck, or good smelling girl bodies pressed up against him in the middle of a rainstorm - and him concentrating hard on manure and ice in uncomfortable places to keep from thinking on the feeling.

He taught River how to fish, and she seemed happy to have his arms around her when he showed her how to cast. Birdy taught him how to weed her garden, and it was her hands on his and her face so close that he got tongue tied.

He was finding himself all kinds of turned around about it.

It only seemed to happen when the other wasn’t around, and that laid a whole new level of trouble on it.

'Cause either way, he was in trouble.

They were out here in the middle of nowhere, with nobody but the three of them, and he couldn’t be looking at either one of them like that. But he couldn’t help it.

It wasn’t just that they were the only women folk about. He was kind of fond of the both of them. And together or separate, there was nothing cuter than those girls.

Not that he would ever tell either of them that.

So, here he was, shoving his dinner in his mouth and trying to avoid looking at Birdy's little hands as she licked her fingers after every bite of fried chicken.

The last three nights, both girls had sat at the table for a while after, talking and giggling, and looking at him in ways that made him feel all kinds of odd and had him counting the days since he had been with a woman.

He had taken to eating as fast as possible, so he could lock himself in his room and think as hard as he could about whores and blondes and anything but the two almost identical girls sitting downstairs smiling and touching him.

While he, you know, took care of some needs he couldn’t deal with anyplace else.

And tonight, with Birdy licking her fingers with entirely too much enjoyment, and River cheerfully discussing the "flirtation" going on in the back yard between two stray cats and using words like "fornicate" and "manhood," he just couldn’t sit there.

He mumbled something stupid to them and bolted for the stairs, falling against his door with a moan.

The image of Birdy licking at her fingers had him fumbling for his belt buckle almost before he got the door shut behind him.

He fell backwards onto the bed, eyes closed. He made himself stop.

His hand on his buckle stilled and he inhaled. Had to make sure he knew what was in his own head.

One of the girls downstairs was still a reader, and he couldn’t let her pick up anything. Not anything. Not one single thought about little bitty girls with big eyes and odd ways of talking. Nothing about girls with gardens, or girls with cookies, who like to laugh and tease him.

Nothing about that.

Jayne shut his eyes tighter and concentrated.

Blondes.

Blondes with big hair and high voices, and no tendencies to babble about plants talking or the air touching.

It got more difficult every night to come up with something.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his door creaked open and two little heads peeked in. "Jayne?"

He snatched his hand off his half undone belt and sat up fast. "What? What’s wrong?"

River slipped through the door, eyes wide and scared. "We had a waking dream, Jayne."

Birdy huddled behind her, little fingers clutching the door frame. "We were talking, and then we started to remember." Her face started to crumple. "I don't want to remember, Jayne."

River tugged on Birdy's hand, pulling her into the room and shutting the door. "Can we stay with you?" Without waiting for his answer, both girls threw themselves at him and the bed.

They didn’t often get scared anymore, but when they did, they were harder to pry off than leeches. They pressed their faces into his biceps, one on each side, and he really wished they would’ve at least let him grab a pillow or a blanket or something to throw over his lap.

He tried to adjust himself without letting either of them see what he was doing. Problem wasn’t going away with both of them right here, touching him.

River turned her face up to him, and she suddenly looked a lot less scared then she had seconds ago.

Birdy tucked herself up under his arm while he was looking at River, and when he looked down, she sucked her fingers into her mouth, eyes wide and innocent.

Her look was slightly more unsure than River's, but he wasn’t focusing too well on her features at that point, as his thoughts were anything but innocent. He was too focused on her little fingers disappearing into her pretty mouth.

He nearly swallowed his tongue at the sight. It was official, the Alliance couldn’t kill him, but two girls with big eyes were going to finish him off slowly. He desperately tried to shake them off so he could go shut himself in the bathroom and have a heart attack in peace.

_Gorram_ girls clung like limpets, and he nearly whimpered in frustration.

River rested her head on his shoulder with a smile. Birdy reached up to place one little hand over his racing heart. He looked from one to the other in confusion.

"Shh," River told him, touching one finger to his mouth.

"We know you watch us," Birdy said, looking up at him shyly. "We watch you too."

River walked her fingers onto his knee, smiling teasingly. "Know you can’t decide, know you don’t want to choose." She moved a tiny bit closer, letting her fingers linger on his knee.

"One would be left out," Birdy chimed in, one hand slipping down his arm to link her fingers with his. "One would be alone."

She smiled up at him, face open and sweet. "You don’t want to choose, and we don’t want to be chosen." She rubbed her face against his shoulder, watching him with those big eyes.

River ran her thumb over the inside of his knee, making him shiver. She watched her fingers as she traced her name on his knee. "So we chose for all of us."

"That’s crazy talk," he argued feebly. "I ain’t got no interest in either of you."

Birdy giggled into his shoulder. "We can hear you at night when you think we're asleep." She flushed a little, color disappearing down past her freckles into her shirt. His fingers twitched with the urge to follow it. "We hear you say our names sometimes."

Jayne shook his head, mouth tight. "It don’t mean nothing," he insisted, refusing to look at either girl pressed up against him. "A man's got eyes."

"And lips and fingertips and man parts." River leaned into his neck, eyes dancing as her fingers teased up his thigh.

"It ain't right," he stood up suddenly, brushing off the girls. River tried to touch him again, but he stepped out of reach. "It ain’t right," he insisted, running one hand through his hair in frustration.

River frowned in annoyance, reaching out for him again. "Right is wrong is right," she said, rolling her eyes.

Birdy shook her head at her mirror image in slight disapproval. Jayne was standing stiff backed and angry in front of them, and River pushing the issue wasn’t going to help.

Birdy crept to the edge of the bed, one small hand reaching out for his. He didn’t turn to look at her, but he didn’t shake her off either. She slipped her fingers through his and ran her thumb across the strong palm of his hand.

"Jayne," she said gently, squeezing his hand in hers. "Jayne, these girls are not like other girls."

"River and Birdy are unusual, and no one else knows why except for you." Birdy rose up onto her knees, tugging on Jayne's hand. He turned slowly, eyes focused somewhere above her head.

"You have taken care of us," River said softly behind her. River leaned against her mirror, trusting that Birdy would find the right words to convince the man in front of them.

Birdy nodded, focused on Jayne's closed face. "No one else would do what you did. No one else would understand, and take two girls in with him and keep them safe." His fingers twitched in hers.

"Both girls here know why they are here. They get lonely too, Jayne." Birdy’s eyes shined with tears. “We get lonely without you.”

That seemed to get his attention. He looked fully at the girl kneeling on the edge of the bed in front of him. "I ain’t lonely." He tried to pull his hand from hers, but she brought his hand up to kiss his knuckles.

River crawled to the edge of the bed as well. "All three are lonely. Can all be made one, if you trust us." She slipped her hand into his free one, joining her twin in looking up at him.

"It ain’t right," he said again to those two trusting faces. He tightened his fingers around the smaller hands in his. "It don’t make it right, just ‘cause you’re lonely."

River reached out to hook her fingers through his belt loop, tugging him slightly closer. Neither girl took her eyes off of him. His resolve weakening, he tried to step away from them, but they wouldn’t let go. Birdy turned his hand upward in hers and pressed a gentle kiss to his palm.

Jayne closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Somehow, he had lost control of the situation, and his mind was spinning. He turned to look at River, "Either of you ever even been with a man?"

River nodded slightly, a dark look crossing her face. Birdy reached out to touch her almost sister's hair with a gentle hand.

"River had a bad experience," Birdy said sadly, tucking River’s hair behind her ear. "I have not." She looked down at their joined hands, an anxious look crossing her face. "I would understand if you would rather choose. I would not know what to do, and would not want to be in the way..."

Jayne stopped her rambling by brushing his thumb lightly over her bottom lip.

He shook his head in amazement. "You wouldn't be in the way." His voice was gruff. He sank down to sit in between both girls and looked at his hands for a moment. "I got two girls who've never been with a man, not really. Two girls who aren’t exactly sane." He looked from one wide eyed girl to the other. "And they say they've chosen me." He laughed ruefully, laying his head in his hands.

River pressed one hesitant kiss to Jayne's shoulder.

He shivered under her mouth, shoulders relaxing a fraction. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but didn’t move away.

River nodded to Birdy, smiling comfortingly at the other girl, as Birdy eyed her anxiously.

Birdy shot Jayne a worried look, licked her lips, and pressed them to Jayne's cheek. She rested one small hand on his shoulder, steadying both herself and Jayne, who let his hands drop away from his face.

He tilted his head towards her a little, so she didn’t have to stretch so much.

After the first kiss, it was easier. And with Jayne sitting in between them with his eyes closed, letting them explore, they got a little bolder, laying kisses on his neck and shoulders. The light touch was enough to make him shiver.

River raised herself to her knees, and hesitated for a second. Carefully, slowly, she pressed a kiss to the very corner of his mouth.

Her lips were soft, and both girls smelled so good, and it had been so very long, he found himself turning to catch her mouth with his.

She caught in a surprised breath, and he watched her from under half closed eyes. Her eyes were open wide with amazement, and she had to tighten her hands on his shoulder to keep from losing her balance.

He heard a startled whisper from his other side as Birdy pressed closer to his side. "Thought you said he didn’t kiss on the mouth?"

He smiled against River's soft lips. She watched him pull back, eyes still wide in surprise. She licked her lips and he had to kiss her again.

She relaxed and sighed into his mouth and he got a better taste of her.

He touched his tongue to her bottom lip lightly, but pulled back when she opened her mouth to him.

"Thought we was all three involved here," he said. He turned to look at Birdy, who had stopped her little blizzard of kisses across his neck when he kissed River back.

She looked up at him, all big eyes and shyness, with a heartbreakingly hesitant smile on her face. He looked at her carefully, face serious. "This what you want, Birdy-girl?"

She nodded shyly. "Just nervous," she told him with wide eyes. "Jayne has been with many women, and I have never.." she gestured wordlessly, blushing.

He smiled a little, his shoulders relaxing even further as he looked down at the girl in front of him. "Don’t gotta worry," he told her, obviously trying to be as gentle as he could. He ran careful fingers over her eyelids, closing her eyes.

"Don’t gotta worry," he whispered, cupping her face with his large hands. "Don’t gotta worry."

He leaned down and kissed her, mouth warm and gentle. He felt clumsy and rough, and he didn’t want to scare her, so he kept it simple. She was hesitant, but she opened her mouth under his. She tasted a little like honey.

She opened her eyes as he drew back, little fingers stealing up to touch her lips. He watched her, barely noticing River kissing the back of his neck, except to tilt his head forward so she had better access.

Birdy looked up at him with shining eyes. He sighed in relief and leaned back against River as Birdy smiled at him wonderingly.

He smiled back hopefully, stealing one hand up River's back to run his fingers through her hair as she nipped at his neck.

Birdy caught her breath, cupped her hands around his face and stole up his side to kiss him again. Her mouth was eager and warm, and he let himself get lost in the sensation of her lips on his, and River’s lips on his neck.

At some point, River sank back, and he followed her mouth, pulling Birdy after him. The three of them ended up more or less sprawled out with Jayne’s legs hanging off the edge of the bed.

Birdy stayed balanced on her knees, leaning over him. Her little hands held Jayne’s face as she touched her tongue to his hesitantly. He let her explore, hand still cupping River's head as she started to unbutton his shirt one button at a time, following her fingers with her mouth

He had to catch his breath, pulling back from Birdy when River pushed his shirt open far enough to lick at his nipple. He tightened his fingers in her hair and shivered at the feeling.

At some point, his other hand had ended up high on Birdy's thigh, and as he turned to brush River's hair back from her face, he ran his fingers over Birdy's backside. She flushed faintly, but didn’t pull away. She shifted to give him better access and he palmed her backside.

He sucked in a breath at River suddenly bit down, hard enough to make him yelp. She smiled against his nipple, and he couldn’t help but chuckle. "You trying to cause trouble, girl?"

"Trying to get you to touch us,” She tugged his shirt open the rest of the way as Birdy reached over to help. Four little hands ran curiously over his chest, hiis eyes rolled back in his head slightly as Birdy accidentally scratched him with her nails.

"You want me to touch you?" he asked, stomach tightening as Birdy licked at his belly button. Her touch was sending shockwaves through his body, and he was starting to have a difficult time thinking.

Birdy nodded, face open and hopeful. "Please."

He touched Birdy's head gently with one hand, tucking a lock of hair back behind her ear. He looked at River, who stared back challengingly.

He hesitated. Once he crossed this line, he wasn’t sure if he could go back. He shouldn’t be touching either of these girls. It was wrong, but right now, he couldn’t remember why.

River lifted one of his hands, and placed it on her breast. "This girl is not wearing undergarments," she offered hopefully.

His hand tightened almost automatically at the feel of her nipple pebbling under his palm.

He looked at his hand on River's breast, her hand still holding it there. Her face was calm and knowing, and he relaxed. This was something that was going to happen. If it was going to go bad, she would have stopped him by now. She knew things.

And he stopped fighting it, mentally and physically, he accepted that he had two almost identical girls in his bed, and they wanted him to touch them.

At that point, Jayne showed off one of the more bizarre skills he had picked up over the years.

Within two seconds, River's dress had been lifted off over her head, and Birdy's peasant blouse had been untied and pushed off of her shoulders to pool at her elbows.

Both girls froze in amazement, Birdy's hands going up reflexively to cover herself.

Jayne caught at one of her hands, stopping the movement. "No." He held her hand, thumb caressing the palm of her hand. "Such a pretty girl." He touched the top of one breast with careful fingers, Birdy blushing bright red, but dropping her arms to let her blouse slip off her elbows.

River smiled happily, completely at ease with being naked, and pressed herself up against him.

He slid one hand up into River's hair, pulling her up to his mouth for a kiss, even as his other cupped Birdy's small breast.

"So pretty," he breathed out, looking at both girls, mirror images. Birdy moaned as he ran his thumb over her nipple. He pinched her lightly, liking the way her breathing changed when he did it.

Leaving one hand there, running his fingers over her nipples, he pulled River up to him to kiss the hollow between her breasts. He sucked lightly on her skin, and he delighted in the gasp he got in response.

She shivered, and he pulled Birdy up the same way, so both girls were leaning on him on their elbows, bare-chested.

He circled them in his arms, hands squeezing their backsides. He pinched Birdy’s covered bottom mischievously.

She squealed and slapped at his hands with a giggle.

"Think River's the only one who’s got the right idea here," he told Birdy with a smile.

She giggled and reached for his belt. She stuck her tongue out in concentration as she tried to slide the belt open. Her hands were so close to his crotch, he could feel the heat. He groaned, reaching for her hands to stop her.

His hand landed over hers, and he pulled her hands away. She shot him an anxious look. "Am I doing it wrong?"

He shook his head, turning to explore River’s breasts with his tongue. "Want you both naked." He shivered. “Want you pressed up against me, with nothing stopping me from touching you everywhere.”

Birdy blushed, and River pulled back from Jayne's mouth enough to reach over to help Birdy unbutton her pants.

Jayne's eyes crossed. Almost identical, almost naked, with one of them bending over to undo the others belt. It was enough to make any man crazy. He swore, trying to force the images of what else they could do together down - he was trying to stay in control, and he was already hard enough that it hurt to have his pants still zipped.

He didn’t want to wait anymore. He sat up, pulling them both into his lap, tearing at Birdy's buttons and sliding her pants down her legs as quickly as he could. Her skin felt good under his hands, soft and giving, and he shuddered again in anticipation.

She yelped in surprise, clutching onto River's shoulder for support.

River kissed her double’s hand with a small smile, and Jayne felt his pants get even tighter. River slipped one of her hands into Birdy’s reassuringly.

Jayne cupped River's backside, squeezing and pulling her nearer as he licked and kissed at any skin he could reach, while Birdy was still half tangled in her pants. She managed to kick them off onto the floor, still halfway trying to cover herself with her hands.

He kissed River once on the mouth, turning to pull Birdy to him as she tried to hide herself in his side. He pulled them both closer, girls straddling one leg each, and ran a hand down their backs.

"So pretty," he whispered to her, voice low and possessive. "Both of you." The hand on River's ass was gently rubbing circles lower and lower, until River gasped.

Birdy looked up from Jayne’s hard kiss to see her almost sister's mouth hanging open, eyes closed, as Jayne pushed a finger inside her. She moaned and Jayne brushed his mouth over her neck to feel it.

Birdy hesitated, looking unsure. Her arms tightened around Jayne’s neck anxiously. "It’s alright, Birdy," he told her, clumsily trying to stroke her hair with his unoccupied left hand. "Wont do nothing you don’t want me to,” he reassured her. He nuzzled her cheek, and she pressed her face into his shoulder, watching with wide eyes.

River tucked her forehead into Jayne's neck, and he kissed her cheek.

He growled into her ear, "You like that, pretty girl?" She nodded, breath stuttering. She whimpered, shifting her hips, trying to push his fingers deeper.

"Why don’t you tell Birdy whatcha feel?" He suggested hoarsely, keeping his strokes inside her slow and long. She felt so good wrapped around his finger. He rubbed Birdy's ass comfortingly with his other hand, feeling her breath hitch against his neck.

"Full," River moaned, pushing back against his hand harder. "Hot and holy and tight." Her head fell back, and she clawed at his shoulders with eager hands.

"Very tight," he crooned, encouraged when Birdy started to shift her hips against his side. Her eyes were fixed on River’s flushed face.

"Come on," he whispered into River’s ear, "we'll give you a good one, and then you can help me relax Birdy some." He pulled her closer, and added a second finger. _Ta ma de_ , they smelled good. All turned on and wet. He was about to come in his pants, and they hadn’t even really touched him anywhere important.

River groaned, pushing her hips back harder, driving his fingers deeper. She was sweating, and he licked a line up her neck as her head fell back futher. He let his other hand on Birdy slip lower, not yet touching her core, but close enough that she could feel the heat of his hand.

River was panting, hips rocking furiously and nails digging into Jayne's shoulders.

"Oh," she said, eyes closing as she sat up straight, suddenly locking tightly around his fingers. She was babbling as she scrabbled at his shoulders, nails leaving marks as she came with a groan. "OhohohohohohohOH."

She tightened her fingers on his shoulders as her knees gave out and she fell against him. He caught her with his arm and chest, keeping her from sliding off his lap onto the floor. “So hot,” he told her, sucking on her ear. “Hottest little thing I’ve ever seen.”

River smiled hazily. “Birdy’s turn,” she told him, hands fluttering over his chest as she tried to pull herself upright.

Birdy jumped a little as Jayne turned to her, left hand brushing over her center lightly. "You want that?" He asked. Birdy’s eyes were wide and her body was trembling with both nerves and want.

Jayne slowly pulled his fingers out of River, her moaning a little at the movement. She slid to the bed beside him, pillowing her head on her arms.

"Feels good," she told her mirror sister dreamily. "Like drowning in honey."

Birdy's legs edged wider as Jayne pulled her fully into his lap, facing out. He rested her back against his chest, brushing her breasts with his hands before letting one drop lower to rest on her thigh.

He rolled her nipple in his fingers, soothingly talking nonsense about pretty girls and little hands and how good they made him feel. He could feel her shiver under his hands, but it was more want and less nerves.

As she started to relax, eyes fluttering closed at the feel of his fingertips on her breasts, he brushed his other hand over her clit.

It jolted through her body, jerking her hips. "OH!" Her eyes flew open and she grabbed for Jayne’s hand.

He rolled his hips under hers, pushing his aching cock into her backside. She glanced back at him, looking nervous. He kissed her cheek gently, trying to remember her lack of experience. "Shhh. It’s ok."

His fingers on her clit were still wet from River, and he glided his fingertips over her, taking the time to explore that he hadn’t taken with River. "Feel so good," he told her with a groan. He pressed against her again, biting down on her shoulder lightly.

River pulled herself back into a sitting position, and she touched Birdy's hand to her heart. "Anchor for sinking ships," she said, smiling encouragingly at Birdy. "Let go," she urged. "We will not let you drown."

Birdy wove her fingers through River’s, seeming to take strength from the other girl’s presence. She rocked her hips faintly, encouraged by Jayne's intake of breath.

Jayne took his hand off of her breast for a moment, reaching down between himself and the girl and easing his zipper down. He breathed a sigh of relief as the pressure was somewhat removed.

Jayne let Birdy set the pace, still barely brushing over her core. She was breathing harder, mouth open in a surprised expression. She was whispering, but Jayne was too occupied with watching her that he couldn’t understand what she was saying. He waited. It wasn’t until she was starting to jerk back against him that he pressed a finger inside her.

Birdy cried out, hands tightening around Jayne's wrist and River's fingers as he entered her. "Full!" she stammered, angling her hips to help him hit the exact right spot where she needed it most.

"Please," she sobbed, her head falling back to loll against his shoulder. She tucked her face into his neck as well as she could, biting down on his shoulder.

River petted her hair gently. "That’s it," she crooned to her mirror image. "Let go."

Jayne got a jolt straight through his groin every time she slammed back against him. He deepened his stroke, almost lifting her off his lap as she struggled to spread her legs wider to give him more access.

With a cry, Birdy broke apart in Jayne's hands. She sagged forward, Jayne and River the only things keeping her from falling.

He pulled her back against him, withdrawing his fingers from her reluctantly, and let River pet and soothe Birdy.

He raised his hand to his mouth, watching the two naked girls huddle together. He sucked at the taste of both of them on his fingers. He shuddered. They tasted better than they smelled, if that were possible.

Looking at the two girls, he let himself fall back onto the bed, hand slipping out of his mouth, and down to his John Thomas to give himself some much needed relief.

Hell, getting to touch those two like that, even if they changed their minds later, the images of both of them breaking apart, and both of them there together like that would give him something to look forward to every time he closed his eyes.

He hurt, but it was a good hurt, a slow buildup from getting to touch and taste two pretty girls. Jayne slipped one hand down into his pants, using his other to shove his britches down a little more.

Two little hands closed over his. "This is our job," River told him firmly, one hand sliding down to cup his balls. He caught his breath at her firm touch.

Birdy blushed, but nodded, hesitatingly reaching out to stroke him. She ran shy little fingers over the head of his cock.

His hips bucked involuntarily, and she drew back. "Ain’t nothing to be scared of," he told her, biting back a moan. "Just likes when you touch it."

Four hands were caressing him, sliding up and down his shaft, and he knew it was only going to be a couple of moments before he couldn’t hold on anymore.

"Big," whispered Birdy, looking to River in amazement. Her fingers danced over him, reaching out curiously to encircle him with one little hand.

River smiled slyly, and Jayne chuckled. "Everything 'bout me is big," he boasted, gasping as River ran her thumb up his shaft.

"It is," River agreed, looking at Birdy’s astonished look with amusement. "Poor overwhelmed Birdy," she cooed, leaning forward to nuzzle at the other girls cheek. Birdy blushed, one hand still wrapped around him.  
Jayne groaned at the sight. There was nothing better than the sight of two naked girls almost kissing while jerking him off.

He could die happy.

As soon as they were done.

Birdy giggled as his eyes rolled back in his head. River shot her another amused look. "Birdy should try this too," she said. Her voice had a naughty tone to it.

Jayne's eyes were closed, and he twitched when River's hair tickled the inside of his thighs.

He 'bout near levitated off the bed when her little tongue flicked across the head of his cock.

His eyes flew open, but River was already drawing back, tongue caught teasingly between her teeth. Birdy giggled behind one hand

"Nngh," Jayne managed as both girls exchanged nods and leaned down together. Two identical heads, except for hair, carefully licking up either side of his shaft. Birdy's touch was kitten soft and hesitant, River's was firmer and more teasing, but the visual alone was almost enough to drive him over the edge

The touch wasn’t though, and he managed to get his hands tangled in River's hair enough to pull her up to his mouth for an intense kiss. "Harder," he croaked, petting Birdy’s hair with his other hand.

He captured the back of her neck, and pulled her up for a kiss as well as River switched back to using her hands.

Her little hand was firm and hot around him and her strokes were long and sure. He groaned into Birdy's mouth, tangling his hands in her hair. He honestly thought he was about to black out just from the touch of two pretty girls.

Birdy smiled against his mouth. "Time for Jayne to fall apart," she told him with a giggle. She added her hands in counterpoint to River's stroking.

She just touched, light touches that were enough to drive him crazy, but with the added stimulation of River's sure grasp, he was bucking against them and swearing through gritted teeth.

He managed to slit his eyes open, one hand still tangled in Birdy's hair, other hand reaching out for River.

Birdy looked up at him with those big eyes, and she watched him, even as she slowly leaned down and kiss his hipbone. Her mouth was swollen, and her little tongue darted out to touch his skin even as River added in a squeeze on her upstroke and he couldn’t hold on anymore.

His brain blanked out on anything like names or human speech, and he came with a harsh bellow, hands tightening in both girls' hair, holding them against him as he came against River and Birdy's fingers.

He 'bout near blacked out, he came so hard.

He stayed tensed, having to remind his fingers to let go of his girls' hair so he wouldn’t hurt them.

It took River laying a gentle kiss on the head of his still twitching cock, before he managed to get some of his body responses under control and let his fingers slip out of their death grip.

He blinked, "Huhhgk," he managed.

Birdy giggled, eyes still startled at his response. "I think we broke him."

River reached across Jayne's body to hug her almost sister tightly, breasts pressing together without either girl really noticing. Jayne was still trying to regain human speech, so he missed it as well

River gently ran her fingers through Birdy's hair and searched her eyes. "Is this still alright?" she asked worriedly. "This was this girl's idea, and she would not want her mirror to be frightened or unhappy."

Birdy smiled, hands reaching up to shyly cover her naked body. "This is good." she touched Jayne's cheek, and he opened his eyes halfway and nuzzled down into the palm of her hand. "Is Jayne happy?"

The girls suddenly looked unsure. River hugged herself, and Birdy watched him with nervous eyes.

"Come 'ere," he muttered, tugging on Birdy's hand. "Both 'f you."

Both girls scooted closer, and he pulled them down onto his chest, River's hair falling across his neck. Birdy brushed River’s hair out of her own face, pressing her nose into Jayne’s neck.

"Surprised me," he slurred, trying to explain without having to locate any of the brain cells the girls had destroyed with this whole thing. "Didn’t figure either of you would want this old man, much less both."

He kissed Birdy's forehead and tugged a strand of River's hair. "Long as you're ok, I’m ok."

He was falling asleep, completely exhausted.

"Just don’t be sorry," he whispered to them, eyes slipping closed.

River and Birdy curled up against him, tucking their heads into his neck.

River reached out to take Birdy's hand. "Not sorry," she told both the already sleeping mercenary and her almost twin. "Jayne belongs to us, now."

END


	2. Seeds of Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Birdy is NOT Wingtip Birdy. She has different origins, and should not be mistaken for that Birdy. This is, essentially, an AU of an AU.

This? This is porn.

 

 

 

Title: Seeds of Belonging  
Author: alianora (with significant, amazing help and contribution of the intro from [](http://literarylemming.livejournal.com/profile)[**literarylemming**](http://literarylemming.livejournal.com/))  
Rating: NC17  
Summery: A different life, a different way of becoming, a love in three.

 

Author’s Note: This Birdy is NOT Wingtip Birdy. She has different origins, and should not be mistaken for that Birdy. This is, essentially, an AU of an AU.

 

 

 

 

They would've never even known she existed, if River hadn't raised her weary head from his shoulder and croaked, "Stop."

Surges of adrenaline borne out of fear made him want to argue, but Jayne's bones were tired and his body aching, so when he slumped against the wall it was half in acquiescence, half because he couldn't move another step anyway. "What?" he panted, shifting her frail body in his arms in an attempt to keep her up. Once upon a time she would've been a featherweight to him; now he was having trouble keeping his shaking limbs from dropping her.

River's hand was pale, almost translucent, as she gestured vaguely towards a door directly across the corridor from them. "There," she murmured hoarsely, before turning her head to gaze at him with dark, bruised-looking eyes. A streak of blood ran down her cheek like war paint. "Put me down."

His arms tightened reflexively around her back and beneath her knees. "Gotta keep movin'," he mumbled, feeling terror make his muscles twitch. "Gotta get out."

River nodded solemnly, and pointed to the door again. "Put me down," she murmured, "and wait here."

Jayne wanted to argue. He wanted to remind her of where they'd just been, and what they'd just done, and what they'd both been through the last six months; but he was too tired to argue, and there was a fire in her eyes he hadn't seen since Ariel. Whatever she wanted she wanted _bad_ , and it was behind that door.

He put her down. "Two minutes," he told her huskily. "Then I send in the cavalry."

She nodded and turned away, moving with far more surety than her brittle bones would imply.

Belying his words, Jayne slumped against the wall as soon as she'd disappeared through the door. His legs refused to hold him up, and he came down with a THUMP on the industrial tile. The world was spinning, and he only vaguely heard the crunching sound of bones breaking and flesh hitting flesh. River was hurting people; that was just fine by him. She was good at it, and everyone ought to do what they're good at.

Fifteen seconds later he heard her voice, as if from six stories up. "Jayne."

Then again. "Jayne, come here."

Moving on autopilot, he dragged himself back to his feet. The aches and pains had become second nature to him by now, and he propelled himself through the door and into the dark, cramped room beyond.

There was a desk. Sprawled across the desk were two men. Jayne was willing to pretend the dark liquid dripping on the floor was spilled ink.

There was a bed, caught in a triangular shaft of pure white light. On the bed were two girls.

One was River.

But so was the other.

Or... no. Not quite. River was sitting on the edge of the mattress, long hair obscuring her face as she reached out a hand towards the second girl, who sat huddled against the wall. The second girl, who had River's face, was wearing the same standard aquamarine body suit as River, but her hair was cropped short and her eyes, if at all possible, were even wider than her doppelganger's. And she was staring straight at him.

"Who are you?" she asked in a small, shaky voice, and then nearly jumped out of her skin when River laid a comforting hand on her knee. The girl's eyes darted away from Jayne to stare at her double.

"Friends," River soothed, patting the girl's knee. "Friends to help." Turning her weary head, she fixed Jayne with a dark, hollow stare. "Must take her with us. Not her fault."

"Yeah," he grunted with a sharp nod of his head. "Figured."

Turning away from the girls huddled on the bed, he began fishing through the pockets of the dead guards. He didn't find much: a couple of Identicards and two pouches of Alliance currency that amounted to next to nothing. Alliance flunkies didn't need much cash: Big Brother gave them everything their hearts desired.

More important than any of that were their guns. It felt good, strapping a holster around his hips, feeling the reassuring weight of a pistol against his leg. He grabbed both guns and all their spare ammo, then stood back, appraising the dead men with a skilled eye. "They clean?" he asked.

"Leave the dark one," River said, voice eerily calm. "Killed him messy. The blond one is your size. Killed him clean."

Jayne nodded and calmly shoved the dark-haired guard off the desk. The body collapsed to the floor, leaving a puddle of blood on the desk blotter. Yanking the blond guard upright, Jayne began tugging off the man's uniform, hardly noticing the awkward angle of his broken neck.

"Noooooooo, stop!" the new girl moaned. Jayne didn't spare her a glance as he began dutifully assuming the guard's outfit.

"Shhhhh," he heard River soothe. "All will be well. Covert dress is required to escape the planet alive."

"Speaking of which, we gotta get movin', girl," Jayne said, straightening the Alliance-issue cap and turning to face the girls again. The double was cuddled up against River's side, face pressed into the other girl's neck, thin body racked with sobs. "We gonna have a problem here?" he asked, frowning.

River shook her head, stroking the new girl's cropped hair. "No problem," she assured him. Then, softly, "Jayne?"

He sighed. "Yeah?"

"I can't walk."

Jayne felt like someone had taken a lead pipe to both his kneecaps. Carrying River had sapped his strength near to breaking; the thought of doing it again was almost enough to do him in completely. And judging by the new girl's birdlike wrists and narrow ankles, she wasn't in much condition to walk neither.

The old Jayne Cobb wouldn't have batted an eyelash. The new Jayne Cobb just felt tired.

"Right then," he said, his voice heavy with exhaustion. He walked over to the bed. "Come on."

River gazed up at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Jayne shook his head. "Just get on."

He bent down and scooped her up into his arms. Halfway into the motion he thought better of it and shifted her around so she was cocked on his hip, one arm under her bottom to hold her up. She looped her legs around his waist and held onto his neck, resting her head wearily on his shoulder.

Jayne turned to the other girl on the bed. "Can you walk?" he asked, voice rough with fatigue.

She stared up at him, eyes wide with fear.

"Few minutes from now, when they find the two of us ain't where we're s'posed to be, this whole gorram place's gonna turn mighty unhealthy for us, girl." Jayne fought down the spike of terror that threatened to tear him in half. "I include you in that, cuz you're like her, _dong ma_? That's why you're here now. That's why they took you ever at all. So you can stay and see what they got planned for ya, or you can come with us." River's weight was beginning to tax heavily on his left side. He shifted her higher; she didn't make a sound. "So, girl? You comin'? Or you stayin'?"

She was still staring at him, small hands anxiously clutching each other.

"Birdy."

The voice was so soft, Jayne barely heard it, though it was spoken right near his ear. River lifted her heavy head to gaze down at the other girl, who was gaping up at her. "Birdy, come," River murmured, and Jayne saw her lips twitch in a soft smile. "Birdy, please." She dropped one arm from around his neck and stretched it out towards the girl on the bed. Jayne could see her hand trembling with exhaustion.

The double blinked, chewing her lip nervously. After a moment, she raised her hand and slipped it into River's. "I can walk," she whispered.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the facility, a claxon began to sound.

"That's great," Jayne said gruffly. "Can you run?"

 

\--------------

 

The money was enough to book them passage on a piece of _go se_ heading for the Borders. It was a refugee ship, full of folk who hadn't passed the Alliance's strict code of standards for a Core inhabitant. Some of them had emigrated to the Core and were heading back home; some were Core natives who'd fallen on hard times. Everyone had a different reason for being aboard, and there wasn't a one of them didn't have a secret that needed keeping. Jayne figured he and the girls fit right in.

It was funny. He'd already started calling them "the girls," as if they'd always been a unit. River had adopted her double as an immediate best friend, and Birdy – that was the other girl's name – did likewise. The name fit the girl, Jayne decided. She was tiny and she was thin and she had a tendency to be a bit flighty. That was a pun Shepherd Book would've appreciated.

He wondered if he'd ever see the old preacher again. He wondered if he'd ever see any of the old crew again. He wondered if they wondered about him. He was sure they wondered about the girl.

Girls now. There were two.

He'd stolen them all some clothes before buying their way on ship. It would have been the height of foolishness to hop on a refugee carrier dressed like so many Alliance _hun dans._

He'd kept the guards' sidearms. Had them tucked in his stolen boots. Jessie on his right, and Mabel on the left. They weren’t great pieces, but there were better than nothing.

River was wearing a pink dress with blue paisley swirls that hung around her knees and kept falling off her right shoulder. He'd stolen Birdy some boy clothes, thinking maybe he could dress her up like River's twin brother or something, on account of her hair being so much shorter. It kind of worked, unless she raised those big brown eyes of hers; then there weren't no way of disguising that she was a scared little girl in beat-up coveralls and a shirt two sizes too big.

The three of them were huddled in a far back corner of a converted cargo bay the trawler used to haul refugees out to the Borders, or further still to the Rim. There weren't any beds, just old blankets on the floor to hold back the chill and soften the grating. Food consisted of gruel twice a day and lukewarm water, but it kept the belly full and that was plenty. Jayne had set them up so they were a little behind one of the support struts that held up the overhead walkway, providing them a bit of cover and some privacy. The girls liked to sleep curled up in the corner, the solid wall to their backs. They usually slept in shifts, with one girl holding the other while she slept. During River's wakeful hours, she and Jayne would watch each other as Birdy slept soundly on her double's shoulder. They didn't speak; weren't much to be said. River would stroke Birdy's hair and rub her back and Jayne would watch them. That was just how it was.

When it was Birdy's turn to be awake, she'd always pretend to still be asleep, clinging to River as if the other girl were a protective blanket. Jayne knew she was afraid of him, so he didn't argue. He was too tired to argue anyway. He'd spend the time sitting up with his head propped against the strut as he tried to get some sleep himself. It never worked. Every noise of every person in the cargo bay went off like a rifle shot in his ears. Instead of sleeping, he'd find himself staring up at the honeycomb grating of the walkway above, focusing on the way the harsh white lights of the bay got fractured and disassembled to land in a pattern of dappled shadow across his face. Kind of like sunlight through bullet holes, or neon street signs through the slats of a set of whorehouse shutters. _Wo de ma_ , it'd been too long since he'd been with a woman. Too gorram long.

"JAYNE."

The voice was firm and loud and right next to his ear, and he blinked, shaking himself out of his reverie. Dragging his eyes downward, he had to blink a few more times to bring the world back into focus before he found himself staring into River's dark eyes. The girl was virtually nose to nose with him, mouth set in a grim line. "What you doin' up?" he asked, clearing his throat to remove the rasp of exhaustion.

"Where were you?" she asked, ignoring the question.

Jayne frowned at her. "What you mean, where was I?" he asked defensively. "Was right here, jus' like I always am."

"Not here. HERE." She raised a hand and tapped his forehead with a stern finger.

Jayne grabbed her wrist in a lightning fast grip "Don't do that," he said, voice low and dangerous. "Don't you ever do that again."

A soft, terrified whimper from behind River drew his attention, and he saw Birdy peering at him over the first girl's shoulder. "You were far away," she whispered, small fingers tapping nervously against her lips. "Couldn't bring you back."

"Gorrammit, I weren't nowhere," he snapped, tossing River's hand aside and glaring at Birdy. The skittish girl drew back with a little squeak, hiding her face in River's hair. Jayne frowned deeper and turned his glare back to River's face. "Why ain't you sleepin'?"

River tilted her head, watching his face with eerie calm. His warning of moments before didn't appear to faze her. "Birdy awoke me when she couldn't rouse you," she murmured.

"What for?"

"We will be landing within the hour. The captain announced over the com."

Jayne blinked. "Ain't right," he said, shaking his head vaguely. "Week long passage, that's what the man said when he sold the tickets."

River sat back, kneeling in front of him. Birdy rested her chin on her double's shoulder, and Jayne found himself facing down two identical pairs of brown eyes: one set placid, the other set worried.

"Yes, Jayne," River murmured with a nod. "Week long."

"But... it ain't been no week."

"Yes, Jayne. It has."

Jayne frowned, brow furrowing as he tried to remember the passage of time. It hadn't been a week. Couldn't've been. A couple days maybe; three even. But a week? He'd've known. He'd remember.

Soft fingers on his cheek made him blink and look up again. "Stay here," River commanded firmly, palming his cheek. She was nose to nose with him once more; he could feel her breath against his mouth. "No more wandering or we will lose you."

Jayne didn't know what the ruttin' hell she was yammering about, but he went along with it. "You girls just make sure you got everythin'," he muttered. "Cain't be leavin' nothin' behind that might lead back to the Alliance somehow." Birdy whimpered at his use of that name, and he felt a pang of fear in his own gut.

River seemed unconcerned. "Nothing to leave," she murmured, thumb tapping against his nose. "Just each other."

"Yeah, well, ain't leavin' none of us here neither. You make sure you keep tight hold of Birdy when we're gettin' off, _dong ma_? Don't want her gettin' swept away in the crowd."

"She won't. We won't. You will protect us." Birdy nodded vigorously behind her double.

Jayne sighed heavily, rubbing his weary eyes with a calloused hand. "Tha's what I do," he affirmed, head dropping back against the strut.

Delicate fingers touched his face and he dropped his hand to find not River, but Birdy touching him. "You need sleep," she said worriedly, and he realized her fingertips were tracing the outlines of the dark circles that hung like bags underneath his eyes. "You never sleep. Sleep is what you need."

That was the most Birdy had ever said to him, and he couldn't resist a small, amused smile. "Guess you learned to talk, huh?" he murmured. The girl blushed and pulled back to huddle behind River once more, tugging self-consciously on her short hair and dragging it over her face as if to hide.

Jayne sighed; he hadn't meant to scare the girl, but he was too tired to apologize. "Sleep when I'm dead," he told them, shifting his back into a more comfortable position against the post. "'Sides, I sleep plenty. You jus' don't see it cause you're sleepin', girl."

River's eyes burned as she stared at him, but he refused to meet her gaze. She knew he was lying.

"I'm gonna go grab us some grub," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet. "Don't neither of you move."

Turning away, he marched into the main body of the cargo bay before River or Birdy could say anything to stop him. Problem with the new girl finally finding her voice was it meant now he had two big-eyed girls who were gonna want to boss him around. Didn't know how he felt about that. Right now he was too damn tired to care.

 

\-----------------

 

They spent the next two weeks on three separate ships, hopping from planet to planet. After that first trip, Jayne didn't bother to buy tickets. For one, they didn't have the cash, and for two, the last thing he wanted was to leave a paper trail for the Alliance to follow. River was a dab hand at finding them back doors and opening locked hatches, and once they were in with all the rest of the 'fugees, it was easy enough to blend. It was getting even easier now that River and Birdy didn't both look like Death warmed over. River's hollow cheeks were beginning to fill out, and the shadow was fading from her eyes. Birdy did a lot more smiling and a lot less hiding these days; sometimes she even smiled at him. Jayne made an effort to smile back, because life was gonna be hard enough without having to worry he'd scare the girl into running off like a jackrabbit.

River had explained to him that Birdy wasn't some sort of clone or long lost sister. "The old wives’ tale that everyone has someone somewhere who looks like them," she told him earnestly. "It is not reserved solely for old wives. Somewhere there is another Jayne."

"Ain't nobody else like me," he'd grunted back.

"No," she'd sighed, laying her head on his shoulder as they watched Birdy sleep on the floor nearby. "No one else like Jayne."

Besides the hair, he was beginning to pick up other differences between the two girls. First off there was the obvious point that River was a crazy teenage assassin mind reader, whereas Birdy wasn't more than a sweet, giggly girl who shared some of River's quirky tendencies, sans the psychoses. Jayne figured there weren't a better argument for strangeness being genetic; he wondered if the weirdo gene was somehow connected to their eyes. They had the same damn eyes and no mistake.

Birdy was a little rounder than River; a little softer. On the occasions when Jayne found himself having to lift the girls up to high places, he could tell who he was lifting without even looking. River had sharp hipbones that seemed a hairsbreadth away from tearing through her skin; Birdy's hips were round and soft and giving under his fingers. She also giggled when he touched her, like she was ticklish all over. Kind of made him smile, same way he did when River's hair would brush his face as she leaned down to take his hand and help him up to wherever it was he'd hoisted them.

Now that Birdy'd gotten over her fear of talking, Jayne discovered it was hard to shut her up. She and River would have long chit-chats as they snuggled together like two peas in a pod, giggling frequently and taking turns playing with each other's hair. When River was sleeping, Birdy would turn her attention his way and talk eagerly about all manner of things he couldn't really appreciate, on account of being a mean old mercenary and not a sweet-natured young woman. Plants especially; girl was nutty about plants. Flowers, shrubs, trees, grass, even weeds; you name it, she loved it. He made the mistake of mentioning his mama's roses one day, and spent much of the afternoon listening to her eager babbling about the different rose varieties and what made each one special and sweet. Didn't actually bother him much, all her yammering; it was kind of nice listening to someone talk about life and growing things, after spending so much time all wrapped up in death.

He still wasn't sleeping, and he knew they knew. He dozed when he could, sometimes even made it to something resembling sleep; but then he'd have the nightmares and BANG! Awake again.

It didn't do any good to talk about it, so they didn't.

Jayne figured the blue handed _hun dans_ from the Academy would expect them to hightail it to furthest Rim planet they could find, which was why he was determined to stay in the Borders. Firstly because there were more people and he and the girls were less likely to stick out, but also because he wanted to pull a little more wool over those sick motherhumpin' sons of bitches eyes. Two by two hands of screw you, that was his motto. Kinda catchy. He oughta get it on a t-shirt.

 

\---------------

 

He knew they'd found the planet to stay on when, during a stopover, Birdy went flying past him down the ship's ramp and flung herself headlong into what look like a thorn bush, laughing with delight. This was one of the Borders' less populated worlds – some hick moon called Ayodele. The soil was too rocky for anything but subsistence farming, there wasn't much in the way of valuable ore, and about the only commodity of any value on the rock was its water, which got shipped out to be sold in ritzy bistros all across the Core. Jayne thought it was pretty stupid for a dust bowl planet to make 75 percent of its living exporting water, but to each their own. At least it meant the place had low visibility; no one came here that didn't have to.

A small white hand full of berries was shoved unceremoniously in his face, and he looked down to see Birdy beaming up at him, lips stained with juice. "Look!" she enthused. "Raspberries! And there are blueberries, and little wild strawberries, too!" Without waiting for his response, she stuffed some of the berries in his mouth before cramming the remainder into her own mouth and munching happily.

Jayne near choked on the handful of berries, but he managed to chew after a few seconds. Gorram, it was nice to taste something other than gruel and dry bread, which had been their steady diet since the escape. He thought maybe his eyes were crossing from the sweetness, and knew it for fact when he heard Birdy's answering giggle. "River will want some, too!" she chirped before running back to the bushes.

Jayne finished chewing and swallowed, letting his body sag down to sit at the bottom of the ramp. Their ship had landed at the far end of some dusty dockyard outside of a rinky dink cow town he'd heard somebody call Magnolia. His aunt Lisbeth had had magnolias when he was a boy; no way there was magnolias growing on this desert rock of a planet. He was surprised there were even berry bushes.

"The water." He glanced to the side to see River standing next to his shoulder. He'd managed to get his hands on some spare clothes for the girls during their travels, and today she was wearing a soft yellow sundress that made her look like a brown-eyed buttercup.

"What about it?" he asked, turning his attention back to the deserted dockyards. The rest of the ship's inhabitants – crew and passengers alike – had all headed for town as soon as the ramp came down. Jayne and the girls were enjoying the peace and quiet.

River floated down to sit beside him, her chin resting on her knees. "Good water, " she murmured, hugging her legs. "Strong water. It runs deep down, underground. Feeds and nourishes the thirsty roots. Life learns to thrive."

Jayne grunted in assent but didn't say anything. They watched Birdy as the girl continued to pluck berries, prattling on to the bush as if it were her new best friend. Jayne couldn't resist a smile; of the three of them, Birdy was taking all this the best. Maybe because she didn't know what they would've done to her back at that Academy, so it helped her sleep at night. Or maybe she just had one of those personalities like Kaylee: always cheerful, unless you broke her heart. He didn't rightly want to find out if that was true; he liked the way she smiled when they talked.

"Cannot run forever." He turned his attention back to River, who was still watching Birdy with fond eyes. She pulled her gaze away from the other girl and looked at him. "Cannot fly free," she murmured, sad acceptance painted across her face. "Not without _Serenity_."

"Ain't nothin' here for us, girl."

"The better to start from."

"Don't know how I'm gonna keep you and Birdy girl fed."

"We will find a way." She tilted her head and gave him a bright smile. "I will learn to cook!"

Jayne snorted, shaking his head and turning his attention back towards the town. "Gonna have to use Birdy as the guinea pig on that, girl. Don't reckon I fancy gettin' food poisonin' from a ruttin' genius. Liable to catch real smart sam and ella."

"Salmonella, and no you wouldn't. I will be a very good cook."

"Mebbe." He sighed and rubbed a weary hand over his face. He was tired and sore to the bone. Every muscle, every sinew ached, and his brain felt like mush. The incessant lack of sleep was taking its toll, and he could feel his limbs shaking with exhaustion.

Soft fingers touched the back of his neck, but he was too tired to raise his head. "You know we will stay," River murmured, voice tight with anxiety as she massaged the nape of his neck. "Please don't fight. You are too tired to fight. You cannot win a battle you are needing to lose." Her fingers moved from his neck and she stroked her knuckles over his cheek. "You will be able to sleep if we stay. You will be able to rest."

_Lao tian_ , that sounded good. Sleep. Real sleep, in a real bed. He thought if he had a real bed, maybe he'd sleep so deep he wouldn't have no need for dreams.

"Please, Jayne," River murmured near his ear, propping her small chin on his broad shoulder and rubbing his back. "We could be happy here."

Jayne took a deep breath. The sun was warm and soft on his face, and a dry, gentle breeze rippled his clothes and made tendrils of River's long hair tickle his arm. The air smelled like sagebrush and sand, with a faint tinge of snowmelt from the mountains to the north. He could hear the noises of people in town, and beyond that, the unbroken silence of open country.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Maybe we could." He pushed to his feet.

"Jayne?" He felt River's small hand clutch his larger one. "Where are you going?"

"You keep this." He crouched down and tugged up his pant leg, drawing one of the Alliance pistols from his boot and holding it out to her. When River shrank away in alarm, Jayne grunted and forced the gun into her hand. "Anyone comes by you don't like the look of, don't you be afraid to use that. I know you know how."

He didn't look at River as she murmured, "Where are you _going?_ "

"Where do you think I'm goin', girl?" he asked, standing straight again. "Find us somewhere to live."

 

\-------------------

 

The town was small and dusty; a series of alleys and side streets clustered around a central thoroughfare lined with storefronts. Most of the other 'fugees were clustered around the transport station, booking passage on air carriers to take them to the water refineries on the other side of the mountains, in search of work.

Jayne bypassed the group and wandered down the main street. Only one hotel to speak of, and its sign read NO VACANCY. The saloon probably had some rooms to let, but the thought of bringing Birdy into a place like that didn't set right in his stomach. River could hold her own, but that didn't mean he liked bringing her in there much, either. Besides, places like that were where outsiders tended to congregate; too much chance of someone catching sight of the girls and recognizing them.

A little shop at the mouth of a nearby alleyway caught his attention. The front of the store was lined with rows of flower boxes and seedling cups. If Birdy were with him, she'd have caught sight of it right away, he was sure. As it was, he found himself wandering over, drawn by a particularly showy flower with glossy green leaves and a funny oval head. He gave it a sniff; not too strong, but nice.

"Peace lily."

Jayne jerked his head back and looked sharply to the side to find an older middle-age woman leaning in the doorway of the shop. She had a red bandana tied around her head to keep her iron gray hair back from her face, and was wearing a sturdy flannel shirt and worn denims. He had a sudden recollection of his mama on Saturday afternoon's, leaning in the doorway, watching daddy breakin' colts in the paddock. "Huh?"

The woman nodded to the flower. "Peace lily," she repeated, pushing away from the door frame and standing beside him, gazing at the flower. "Pretty things. Ain't much good outside, but they pretty up a Sunday table. Haven't sold any since the War." She snorted. "Wonder why."

"Oh." He was suddenly uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted right now was undue attention.

"You got a girl with you?"

Every alarm in Jayne's body began to go off. "Why'd you think that?" he asked defensively.

"Cuz no offense, son, but you look about as horticulturally inclined as the sole of my boot." At Jayne's confused blink, she clarified, "Means you don't look much like the gardenin' type. Figure you must have a lady friend around that's made you interested."

"Oh." He scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "Yeah. Uh, girl's crazy 'bout plants."

The woman gave him a genuine smile that took the edge off his worry. "Really? Don't get many of those out here." She sighed, turning her gaze down the dusty main street. "Nope, most of the folks we get through here make a beeline for the factories up north. Like sellin' water to the rich folks in the Core is some kind of respectable thing to do." She spat to the side, dusting her hands as if rinsing them clean. "Piss on 'em, that's what I say."

Jayne snickered. He liked this lady. "Don't like the Alliance none I take it."

"Hell no. Born and raised an Independent, that's me." She darted a look in his direction. "Reckon you aren't too fond of them neither."

Jayne kept his face emotionless as he shrugged. "Don't give no nevermind about 'em."

"Bullshit."

"Say again?"

She moved a step closer, so they were almost shoulder to shoulder. Or shoulder to elbow – she wasn't a tall woman. "That bulge down by your boot ain't a bunion, son," she told him.

Jayne couldn't keep his eyes from darting down to his feet, and he saw a glint of blue steel peeking at him from out of his boot.

"The only folk I know who carry Alliance pistols are Alliance soldiers, boy," the old woman said in a low voice. "And if you're an Alliance soldier, I'm a lily white virgin debutante from Ariel."

Straightening up, she gave him a warm smile, as if they hadn't just been talking about life and death situations. "How 'bout you come on in, join an old woman in some hair of the dog that bit you." She grabbed his arm in friendly fashion, but with a steel tight grip that said she wasn't going to be trifled with. Again, Jayne was reminded of his ma. "It looks like you could use a drink."

 

\-----------------------

 

The inside of the shop was cool and a little humid. Plants of varying sizes lined shelves and tables. Through the back door, he could see sunlight streaming into a well-stocked greenhouse.

"Name's Hannah Dawkins," the woman said, as she lifted a bottle of liquor and two glasses up onto the counter from behind the cash register. "Folks 'round here just call me ma'am. Come 'ere."

It wouldn't pay to argue at this point. Better to find out what the old woman knew, then deal with her however seemed appropriate.

"I got no love for the Alliance," she explained as she poured them both a glass of the liquor; smelled like a mix of whiskey and bourbon. Holding his out to him, she waited till he took it, then downed her own shot. "Way I see it, anyone who's an enemy of the Alliance is a friend to me."

"How 'bout Reavers?" Jayne asked, knocking back his shot. He hissed as it burned down his throat. "They ain't friends of nobody."

"Depends," Hannah said as she poured him another glass.

"On what?"

"On whether or not they're killin' Alliance soldiers at the time I meet 'em."

Jayne took his second shot; it still burned, but not so bad this time around. "Damn, woman," he said with a fierce chuckle and a shake of his head. "You hate 'em bad."

"Damn right I do." She gestured, glass in hand, to a picture that hung behind the counter. It showed a younger Hannah with a man who was obviously her husband, two young boys playing in the grass by their feet. "Had me a husband once. Roger Dawkins. Best man a girl could ever ask for." Her voice got a little misty. "Gimme two strapping boys, Roger did."

Hannah chuckled and turned back to face him. "Gave 'em his good looks and his gorram high ideals." She downed her second shot, then followed it closely with a third, rubbing the back of her hand across her mouth. "Born Browncoats they were. When the war broke out the oldest weren't more'n eighteen, but of course he went and followed his daddy out to them killin' fields. It was all I could do to hold onto little Jamie for the two years until he turned eighteen, too. Then he was off after 'em."

Jayne watched her sigh, staring into the swirling contents of her glass as she relived old memories. "We had a little house, Roger and me," she murmured. "Sweet little farmhouse a few miles outside of town. He built it by the river, so I could have water for my garden. Man knew how much I loved my garden. Used to grow the biggest _gorram_ vegetables you ever clapped eyes on. Even had some roses." She smiled fondly.

It only lasted a moment, and was soon replaced with steely calm. "Day they signed the Armistice I moved out," she told him, voice flat. "I knew they wasn't coming back."

They stood in silence for a few long minutes. Jayne didn't drink his third shot, but he watched Hannah go through four more like they was water.

"You say your girl likes plants?"

Jayne looked up to find Hannah staring down into the bottle. "Loves 'em," he agreed. "Talks to 'em and all."

A soft smile touched Hannah's hard mouth. When she looked up, Jayne was floored to see tears in her eyes. "They like that," she said. "When you talk to 'em, treat 'em like they're people. Makes 'em want to grow big and strong, just like any child you ever met."

She hit a button on the register and the drawer popped open with a DING! Fishing around in one of the compartments, she came up with a set of keys and dropped them on the counter in front of Jayne.

"Follow the river and go five miles northwest of town," she told him, ignoring his confused expression. "I go out there two or three times a year, just to make sure nobody's gone through lootin'. Nobody has. They all know I'd whip 'em till they bleed if they laid a finger on that house. Mind you, it needs a bit of work. Some of the wood's rotted through and the garden's a mess of brambles, but I reckon a strong fella like yourself can straighten that out soon enough. And if this girl of yours is such a green thumb, she'll have my garden growing again in no time."

Jayne picked up the keys as if in a daze. He wondered for a minute if the lack of sleep was making him hallucinate; he'd heard that could happen. Moving his eyes from the keys to the woman and back to the keys, he asked, "Why?"

Hannah sighed, pushing the alcohol aside. "I ain't sold a damn Peace Lily since the war ended," she told him honestly. "Ain't even bothered growin' 'em. Lately I've been thinkin' that's ripe foolishness; 's just a plant like any other. That one you was lookin' at is the first I've put out there in goin' on ten years. It's first day on the street and it brings you over: a man who somehow got his hands on an Alliance pistol and just happened to end up on a refugee ship out here to the ass end of the universe. And then you tell me you've got a girl with you who loves plants like I did, back when I was a girl. You aren't lined up with all those other damn fools headin' over the mountains to the water mills, so I know you're looking to set down some roots. You also smell like you haven't had a bath in near forever, so I know you don't have the cashy money to rent a place, let alone buy."

She nodded to the keys in his hand. "It's a good place. Sturdy, strong. Running water and all, once you fix up the pump. The river's just a hop, skip and a jump down from the back steps and through the garden. Got a water-powered generator, so you don't gotta worry 'bout 'lectricity. I'd've sold it, but I'll be damned if I wasn't gonna let that garden go to someone who wouldn't know the first thing 'bout how to keep it. Some of my happiest days were spent in that garden; ain't right to sell it off just to have it gone."

Jayne didn't know what to say. "I ain't got no money..." he muttered.

Hannah raised her hands to him, palms outward. "Don't want any." She gave him another genuine smile. "Listen, son, don't try and say thank you. I can tell by your manner you ain't the thankin' kind. But don't go lookin' a gift horse in the mouth neither." She put her hands back on the counter. "That house has been sittin' out there, empty and heartsore, for near a decade. It used to be a home once. I like the thought of it bein' a home again; just not to me." Her smile turned bittersweet. "Too many memories."

Jayne felt his stomach twisting. "Mama taught me it ain't right to take charity," he said gruffly, fingering the keys. He made no move to give them back.

Hannah took pity on him. "All right then. I told you I had me some roses out there." She nodded. "You get your girl to grow me some roses. We'll call it square."

Jayne stared at the keys. They were heavy and smelled strongly of metal.

He nodded sharply. "Right."

Her smile wrinkled the corners of her eyes. "Right then." She came back around the counter and looked up at him. "You'd best be getting' back. You leave next couple of hours and you can make it there before sunset."

Jayne nodded muzzily; his head was spinning. "Will do, ma'am."

"I don't know your name, son."

He blinked. No name. He didn't have a name here; none of them did.

"John," he said. "John Kopp."

"Well, John Kopp. You take your girl that Peace Lily on your way out. Call it a house warmin' gift, _dong ma_?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She ushered him out the door, stooping over to pick up the Peace Lily and its pot and place it in his arms. "Remember now; I want some roses," she told him with a warm smile.

"Yes, ma'am." He couldn't think of what else to say. The keys were cool and heavy in his pocket, and they were making it hard to think.

"Your mama raised you right, John Kopp," Hannah said with feeling. "I knew it by your eyes. You're a good man."

Jayne gave her a tight smile. "Don't know 'bout that, ma'am," he told her. "But I'm tryin'."

 

\--------------------

 

Birdy immediately christened the lily Theodore, and she was hugging it lovingly as the three of them wandered along the bumpy trail that followed the lazy curve of the gurgling river. Most of the above ground water got siphoned off by the bottling companies on the other side of the mountains, but this river somehow managed to escape. Jayne figured it was only fitting that the house they'd just been given was situated on the banks of a fugitive river; they were all cut from the same cloth.

"And Theodore says that when the rainy season comes, the river rises up, up, up and floods its banks," Birdy was telling River. The girls were walking arm in arm ahead of him, Theodore clutched protectively to Birdy's belly. "But it's the dry season now, so the river is sleepy and snuggles down in its bed."

Jayne chuckled, turning his attention back to the river. It was definitely low, and the water was muddy and brown, but he saw the occasional tell tale splashes of fish, which meant it was healthy. Hell, it'd been years since he'd gone fishin'. Years upon years. He made a note to rig himself up a pole, go see what he could catch.

"Oh."

It was just a little exhalation from one of the girls in front of him, but it was enough to get his attention. And good thing, too, because he would have walked right into them if he hadn't looked up just at the right moment. "What?" he asked, looking between the girls’ awestruck faces. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Jayne," Birdy murmured, staring straight ahead. "It's so PRETTY..."

Jayne looked up, and saw the house.

It'd been white once, but years of neglect had stripped paint off the clapboards and left them peeling and gray. A sturdy farmer's porch wrapped around the two-story structure on all four sides, with white painted posts and a rose trellis that rose up beside the front stairs. One window was broken on the first floor, but everything else seemed in order. He'd have to see inside, of course, to see what more damage had been done over the years; but staring at it now, he was tempted to get down on his knees and thank God for the first time in near thirty years.

A small hand grabbed his larger one and he looked down to see River beaming up at him. "Come on!" she enthused, and he realized that Birdy was already running headlong towards the house, Theodore bobbing along in her arms. Jayne let himself be tugged forward by River's eager hand, but he let her go when she started to run. He was too tired and sore for anything more than a slow jog. River flew down the track ahead of him, hot on Birdy's heels. The girls ran around the back of the house together and disappeared.

Jayne felt a momentary twinge of panic when he lost sight of them. He didn't like having them where he couldn't see them. "Girls!" he called out, picking up his pace a little. When they didn't answer, he tried again, "GIRLS!" This time he managed to get his feet to take up a stuttering run.

He rounded the house in no time, and came to a skidding, panting halt in the backyard, staring at the scene that met his eyes. Birdy had put Theodore down on the back porch steps, and she was currently walking, slowly and carefully, up and down the weed-choked rows of Hannah's abandoned garden. She looked up at his entrance, and he could tell – even from this distance – that there were tears in her eyes.

"Oh Jayne," she murmured, sniffling. "They're so lonely. They've been alone so long. They know their mother was hurting, but they've missed her for so many years... Shhhh...," she soothed, reaching out to run her hands gently over some piece of bracken that Jayne thought was dead, but he must've been mistaken. "Shhh, little ones. Birdy will make you dance again. Birdy will make you green." She smiled and bent down to kiss one of the withered, crackling plants, then looked up to turn that sad, bright smile in Jayne's direction.

"Birdy's gotta walk soft," she whispered, raising her sandal-clad foot for him to see. "Or else she'll scare them at the root."

Jayne nodded. "Where's River?" he asked, still regaining his breath.

Birdy laughed, a far cry from her tears of a moment before. "Down by the river," she giggled.

Jayne nodded and moved away from the house, down the gentle slope towards the river.

River was standing ankle deep in the water, bent over at the waist and staring down into the rippling current. "You okay, girl?" He asked, coming to a stop a few paces away from the water's edge.

"River is standing by the river," the girl answered dreamily, tilting her head as she watched the fascinating interplay of sun and shadow on the floor of the river. "River by the river. Poetic."

"River _in_ the river more like," he observed gruffly. "You're gonna catch cold, standin' in the water like that."

"This girl is in good health," she murmured, not looking up. Tendrils of her hair left ripples on the surface of the water. "And the water is refreshing."

Jayne remembered Hannah's observation that he hadn't bathed in a long time. "Warm or cold?"

"Warm enough."

Which was the clear-cut kind of vague he'd come to expect from River. "Maybe I'll take me a swim," he mused, sitting heavily on a nearby tree root that thrust up from the riverbank. "Haven't gone swimmin' in damn near forever."

River looked over her shoulder at him, eyes shining but concerned. "And then he will sleep?" she asked.

The word alone was enough to make his muscles sag with exhaustion: sleep. "Yeah," he muttered with a gruff nod. "Then I'll sleep."

 

\---------------------

 

His promise turned into a lie, of course, and he didn't find himself ready for bed until well into the evening. His swim woke him up and left him feeling refreshed and human for the first time in weeks. He spent much of the afternoon assessing the damages to the outside of the house – there weren't many, but they were big'uns – and taking stock of the interior. Every piece of furniture and available floor space had been covered with sheets and blankets to fend off dust. The first floor was mostly kitchen and living room, with some other bits between. The second floor had two bedrooms, and he spent the remainder of his afternoon swapping furniture so the single large bed in the master bedroom was moved into the smaller bedroom at the top of the stairs, and the twin beds from that room were in turn moved back to the master. He didn't have need for the girly furniture that had once been Hannah's, feeling much more at home with the clean, spare lines of her sons' simple bedroom set. Besides, he figured the girls would like getting to have their own bathroom, and even a small vanity with a tidy mirror that hung on the wall.

By the time he was ready for bed, the moon was high and the air was dark. They hadn't started up the water-powered generator yet, so they all got ready for bed by candlelight. Jayne was busy making preparations in his head for what he was going to do the next day: fix the back porch swing; rehang the first floor bathroom door; go fishing, for food and to have some goods to barter in town. He fancied the idea of getting some chickens. A home weren't a home unless there were some speckled hens running around and getting underfoot.

He was about to tumble face first into bed when a small hand stopped his movement. He looked down to the side and found Birdy looking up at him, dark brown eyes wide with anxiety. "Jayne?" she whimpered.

He sighed. "Yeah, girl?" He pictured another sleepless night ahead of him.

"Please, we cannot sleep without you." She gestured vaguely. "The nightmares come when you don't watch us."

Jayne rubbed his eyes wearily. "Girl, ain't nothin' gonna get you here, _dong ma?_ You're safe. You and River is both safe."

Her eyes got even bigger, if that was possible, and her lower lip started to wobble. "Please, Jayne," she whimpered. "It's too scary in the dark all alone."

Jayne sighed again, deeper this time. "Fine," he said. "Let's go."

Birdy took his hand gratefully and led him down the corridor to the master bedroom. River was curled up in one bed, and contrary to Jayne's belief, Birdy didn't automatically make for the other one. Instead, she climbed into the twin bed beside River, and the two girls cuddled down together under the blankets. "Jayne may have the other bed," River told him dreamily as Birdy nestled up close.

Jayne wasn't in the mood to argue, so he stumbled over to the other bed, tore down the bedclothes, and dropped down on the mattress. Oh, sweet Jesus, it was like falling into heaven. It was a hard mattress, not much padding, and the bed linens smelled old and dusty. But to his tired bones, it was Shangri La.

"Sleep." The voice was firm, and as he looked in the direction of the other bed, he saw two sets of warm brown eyes gazing at him in the candlelight. River was the one who had spoken, though Birdy's eyes seemed the more concerned.

"I'm gonna," Jayne assured them, voice slurring.

"We'll watch," Birdy told him with a little nod. Then, as an afterthought, "Sweet dreams."

Jayne thought about that. It had been a long day, but a good one. They'd found a planet. They'd found a home. They'd found a garden for Birdy, and a namesake for River, and a laundry lists of projects to keep Jayne's idle hands busy. They were safe and, for the first time since the escape, they were comfortable.

Outside, the night noise of crickets touched his ears like angel song.

"Yeah," he mumbled, already drifting off. "Sweet dreams... the sweetest..."

His voice trailed off, and for the first time in weeks, he slept.

 

[Part two](http://aliaspiral.livejournal.com/149234.html)   



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